Doof poem

I was inspired to write a poem in response to reading my sister Margot’s blog about the doof music she has been enduring.

Revenge Against the Doof

The night was quiet and still as the clock rolled round to ten,
I didn’t have a clue what was about to happen then.
The noise came loud and fast, from the house next door
Doof doof doof doof doof doof doof, it sounded like a war.
Jesus bloody christ! I tripped over the coffee table
I couldn’t even think, I was willing but not able.
What’s that fucking racket? That late night poofta music?
I clutched my head and fell about, feeling oh so sick.
I’ll fix you, you fucking bastards with your backwards beating jive.
You’ll wish you were dead and gone, when I beat you half alive.
No, there’s got to be a better way than a physical assault,
I know, I’ll fight fire with fire and upstairs I did bolt.
I rigged up my PA and placed speakers everywhere
3000 watts of power would give them quite a scare.
I waited until morning, when 6am rolled around.
I was giggling with glee, whilst in my dressing gown.
The sound track to Apocalypse Now, went screaming from every window.
The noise of guns and choppers had nowhere else to go
A deafening din, a barrage of war was sent in their direction.
I was laughing fit to burst, at the cruelty of my selection.
Out they came, their ears and noses bleeding
It’s some serious medical help, those bastards will now be needing.
Deafened by my onslaught, they ran away and hid.
Of those silly dickheads, I was surely rid.
Now my nights are peaceful, and the morons are long gone.
Lot’s of peace and joy as I listen to a quiet song.

So long Doofsters
You’re such a bunch of poofters

Questions I have about the leaders of Iran

What’s the story with the the blokes in charge of Iran?
Do they dig music?
What do they consider fun or good for a laugh?
How do they find the energy to keep all that hate going?
Are they really making or have made a nuclear bomb?
Do they beat their wives?
Do they like women at all?
How do the find the energy to get into all that Jihadist jive?
Where does their president get his cheap looking “suits” made?
Is grey his favourite colour?
Dose he ever wear a tie?
Do they spend all day contemplating Islamic stuff?
Why have they got a bee in their bonnet about the Jews?
Why don’t they invite all the Muslims who live in the west and say they hate it to go and live in Iran?
How do they relax?
Do they ever wonder about having an ice cold beer in the desert?
Do they go swimming?
What do they read?
What kind of cars to they like?
What do they like to eat?

Just wondering.

Sacked For Being Obnoxious

I asked the organizer if there was any chance of a ham sandwich whilst playing a rather long korporate kaper at an american pork producers conference and got sacked for being obnoxious. Gosh! The legend continues. There I go making a mess of things again. I must try and remember to practice being wooden and just shut the fuck up.
I have spent so long now with the mask off I forget to put it back on. Having a laugh is not an option for a lot of folks.
I honestly have a lot of difficulty learning this lesson: No clowning ever. There are a lot of folks taking everything very seriously. I just can’t tell. Maybe its some kind of Tourette’s syndrome.

Kelso Bottle Shop January 2009

Bloke under a tree outside the bottleshop says to me,”G’day mate.”
“Bloody Hot eh?” says I.
“Yeah mate.”
“I can’t wait till this is over.”
“Reckon it’ll rain?”
“Dunno mate.”
“Maybe it’ll rain tonight………….”
“Yeah, bloody hope so.”

In they come. everyone in shorts. All with a red and thirsty face. Desperate eyes, desperate to suck down some cold piss.”
A weary voice says, “A carton of VB thanks mate.”
“That’ll be $37.99 mate.”

All those cans…..
A box of green bullets
A box of relief
A box of piss
A box of cool
A box of Australia

Outside- dry sunburnt grass, hot black tarmac and grudging shade.
A pig dog and its pig faced owner head to the piss shop. They both have their tongues hanging out.

Queue up
Get it home
Suck it down
Piss it out
Back to the piss shop

and so it goes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rlIjpq_4Fg

Changing Schools

The Catholic church has control over most primary schools in this country. They were in charge of my children’s education until last week. The new school year starts this week.

I had a meeting at the school with the headmaster regarding sanitation, my son’s supposed learning difficulties and religion. They spend half an hour of every day school day piffling around with the supernatural. If they were teaching ABOUT religions that would be a different matter. They teach about the Catholic faith and they indoctrinate the children about it. Religion is part of human history. Knowing about history is good. Telling people that ancient Palestinian myths are to be “believed in” is ridiculous.

The headmaster said “We just teach bible stories that are about love. They are just stories.”
Yeah I love stories to mate. Star Wars is great, but no one is ramming it down your throat every day asking you to believe it.

Everything was logical and sensible until we got to religion. Everything else is facts and reason but in one crucial area you have to leave your brain behind.

Towards the end of the last term there were a couple of troubling incidents. The first one was my son coming home from school and informing me that his teacher had told him that the world was made in six days. Ted is a smart boy and knows that this is a whole lot of piffle. The second incident was that the class was taken over to the church, made to get on their knees and pray. Ted doesn’t know what that is except that it is humiliating and degrading with the teacher standing over him saying ” Go on Ted, pray, pray pray.” I know he hated it because when he got home he told us he hated it.

I brought this up with the headmaster and he lapsed into confusion and denial.
I asked the headmaster could he just leave out the religion all together and use this time to help Ted with his reading and writing.
the answer was “no.”

When I asked him who actually is the head of the school of he said it was the local bishop. The local bishop has been found guilty by the courts of covering up sex abuse of children by priests in his diocese. When I put it to the headmaster did he think this was a proper person to be in charge of the education of the local children he flibbed and flabbed and flopped around. He came up with the fatuous and empty argument that not only priests abuse children. People from all walks of life do. I put it to him that if the metalworkers union or any other organization were in charge of education and had to be found out to be abusers or covering up and protecting abusers they would be thrown out immediately. The headmaster even said that somebody in his extended family had been abused by the church! He was ok with that! I was shocked.

The headmaster kept going on about “The Ethos.” I had to look that up when I got home….shudder.
He said to me, “You knew it was a Catholic school when you enrolled your children.”
Yes, but I didn’t know the extent of the cover ups and abuse until various government reports were released just before school broke up for summer. I didn’t know that when I filled out the enrollment form and stated that we were atheists you would be still trying to make Ted pray and dragging him off to church. I didn’t know that come this school year all this valuable class time would be taken up with bullshit, fantasy land and the notions of guilt and sinning and confessing!
I didn’t know the headmaster was illogical and insane. I should have, my mistake.

Ted goes into 1st class this year. I found out they are about to spend half an hour out of every day with the supernatural.
You can by law have your child excluded from this portion of the day and they will be taken out of the class and supervised in some kind of holding pen until they can go back in.

It’s not only the religion that is the issue. They don’t teach critical, and individual thinking. They don’t encourage creative endeavor. They want to produce conforming sheep. For example: when I see the kids from a particular class come out of school with some painting they have done they all have done the same thing! The are so many examples too numerous to mention. The whole sheep like lack of thinking is a thread through all they do.

You may think I don’t like the Catholic church. Your right. I don’t like any religion or pseudo religion, especially if they have an undemocratic power to influence the thinking of children.

Teaching unverifiable beliefs to children is immoral and evil. Young kids take everything in and believe and trust what adults tell them. It’s a serious responsibility.

I have moved my kids to another school. It means hours of driving every day and is most inconvenient but they tell me their policy is no religious indoctrination in the classroom. They are hard to find in this country.


Testicle Recipe

From Ljubomir Erovic’s Library:
SAMPLE RECIPE: GOULASH WITH STALLION OR BULL TESTICLES
INGREDIENTS
2-3 tablespoons lard
4kg stallion of bull testicles
2-3 onions
1 clove garlic
peppercorn and ground pepper
thyme
mint herb
milfoil (plant)
red ground seasoning pepper or tomato puree
hot chilli pepper to taste
salt
mix seasoning
1 tbsp plain flour
200ml white wine
1 tablespoon honey
2 squares cooking chocolate
METHOD
Cut testicles into thin slices. Fry briefly, adding finely chopped onion, garlic, black ground pepper and chilli. Cook while gradually adding water. When nearly finished, add white wine. When wine evaporates a bit, add mix seasoning, pepper, thyme, milfoil, red pepper powder, mint herb and a tablespoon of flour. Mix all well until wine completely evaporates and at the very end add honey and chocolate. Instead of red ground seasoning pepper you can use tomato puree. Tomato puree is used to get red colour, so don’t use ketchup.

Cock Ale

Interesting recipe for Cock Ale. Just in case you needed one. Taken from “Old Cookery Books and Ancient Cuisine by W. Carew Hazlitt” published 1902

To make Cock Ale:—Take ten gallons of ale, and a large cock, the older the better, parboil the cock, flea him, and stamp him in a stone mortar till his bones are broken, (you must craw and gut him when you flea him) put the cock into two quarts of sack, and put to it three pounds of raisins of the sun stoned, some blades of mace, and a few cloves; put all these into a canvas bag, and a little before you find the ale has done working, put the ale and bag together into a vessel; in a week or nine days’ time bottle it up, fill the bottles but just above the necks, and leave the same time to ripen as other ale.